George Carlin
Some People Are Stupid
Well I know, some people don't like you to talk about those things. I know that. Some people don't like you to mention certain things. Some people don't want you to say this, some people don't want you to say that. Some people think if you mention some things, they might happen. Some people are really fucking stupid!
Did you ever notice that? How many really stupid people you run into during the day? Goddamn there's a lot of stupid bastards walking around. Carry a little pad and pencil with you - you'll wind up with thirty or forty names by the end of the day. Look at it this way: think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that.
And it doesn't take you very long to spot one of them, does it? Take you about eight seconds. You'll be listening to some guy, you say, "This guy is fucking stupid!" Then, then there are some people, they're not stupid, they're full of shit. Huh? That doesn't take very long to spot either, does it? Take you about the same amount of time.
You'll be listening to some guy, and saying, "Well, he's fairly intelligent... ahht, he's full of shit!" Then there are some people, they're not stupid, they're not full of shit, they're fucking nuts! Dan Quayle is all three! All three! Stupid, full of shit, and fucking nuts! And where did he get that wife of his? Have you taken a good look at that Marilyn Quayle? Where did he get her, at a Halloween party or something? She looks like Prince Charles for Christ's sake! Let me ask you something: does he actually have to fuck that woman!? Huh? God help him; I wouldn't fuck her with a stolen dick!
That's my political humor. People like it when you're topical.