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Bo Burnham
Gorgeous Dick

I saw a gorgeous… dick. I was in the public restroom. Some guys might be like me. I cannot use a urinal when there’s a guy beside me. I freeze up. So I have to use the stalls. In this case, all the stalls were taken. I had to use a urinal. There was a guy beside me. I took a little look. You’re not picturing this. All right.

[dramatic music playing]

The bit is over. I’m not talking into his dick now. I didn’t rip off his dick. And I’m now not talking into a severed dick. The show is a series of discrete bits. That one’s ovеr. God, if you don’t get that…

[hits random piano notes and blows raspberry]
Reset thе momentum, I cannot be coasting on the inertia of past jokes.
[begins playing "Lower Your Expectations"]
I need to earn it. Every bit of it should come out of a vacuum, eh?