[Intro (Sampled)]
[?]: Her amputee boyfriend was cheating so she stole his prosthesis, but he kept right on hopping into strange beds. The one-legged lothario next, on Sick, Sad World."
SSW REPORTER: Tell me, what brought you here, Artie
ARTIE: It was a cone-shaped craft about 15 feet long, with an air speed of, oh, I'd estimate mach 12. They kidnapped and stripped me, examined me briefly, returned my clothes, and dropped me here."
[?]: Now back to Sick, Sad World."

[Verse 1]
Got a fistful of dreams
Tryna trade that for a fistful of cream
Pause, cash rules every little thing
Wu-Tang taught me as a young bitter teen
See, now I am a young spitting king
If you disagree, then come intervene
Buzz, I’m going through your stuff
I work real hard, I can never do enough
Doom 95, I Duke Nukem up
Was a mutant in the sewer as a teen screwing up
Now we’re doing us, looking through the past
Had a long night, now the light's luminous
Squintin', I'm the rhyming Tim Winton
All the fit women like what I’m spittin'
They say it's great, thinking it's Britain
I kill every track, don’t think it's different

[Chorus]
I won’t give you no instructions for your bottoms
See, I fear that you don’t know how to shake it
Yet, you know the Macarena
And the Nutbush is your thing
But arse-shaking, you don’t need to
Just quit leaning on the wall like the fucking Tower of Pisa
[Verse 2]
Aha, you know my Steelo
I goes in like a Steve Nash free-throw
He’s that kid always talking 'bout weed smoke
No L's make Elmo to a emo
See those girls so I tell them, "G-O"
Push your tushy like a fatty with a remote
We know nothing 'bout saving the whole world
I make songs, don’t call me no hero
Oh well, I’ll be that if you need though
Girls say I’m like a less hot Leo
Dad says I’m like a less smart him
Retards say I’m like a less smart them
Maybe 'cause I smoke those fresh gardens
And excuse my French, I mean I beg pardon
You escargot taste excellent
Tryna wee on me, better guess again
(Hey, hey, hey)

[Verse 3]
In a dream that never ends
I don’t give a F, my 'F''s for friends
I'm Tom, so why am I in Special Ed?
'Cause all my assignments say 'F' in red
But fortune favours all the hairless heads
Never did shit for the hesitant
I never did shit but go on MSN
Hitting on girls I wouldn't ever get
Hey babe, yeah, back in my heyday
I would say, "Hey", they’d be all like, "Hey, wait, got to go"
Way late, trying to be Ray J
Now I get way laid out of my pay grade
Everything grade-A, back in like Grade 8
I was on play dates blowing my mayonnaise
Eat my shorts, young El Barto
Rap for peanuts so you get nutso
Let's go
[Chorus]
I won’t give you no instructions for your bottoms
See, I fear that you don’t know how to shake it
Yet, you know the Macarena
And the Nutbush is your thing
But arse-shaking, you don’t need to
Just quit leaning on the wall like the fucking Tower of Pisa

[Verse 4]
Man, fuck you all
I got it on lock like a bathroom stall
Whoa, funny how much you talk
But you're missing bits out like one, two, four
Lol, quit climbing my lolcano
Before I spaz out drinking old Drano
My head spins around like a tornado
And my eyes roll back in a full K.O
That's Allday, better check his pulse, ayy, bro?
I'm already in heaven with a gold halo
Got pretty hair like Samson, man
But my strength is in my handgun, man
Damn, every song's an anthem, man
Diet of Oreos and Jameson
Bickies and whiskies, that's sickly
How long could I really be living?
[Chorus]
I won’t give you no instructions for your bottoms
See, I fear that you don’t know how to shake it
Yet, you know the Macarena
And the Nutbush is your thing
But arse-shaking, you don’t need to
Just quit leaning on the wall like the fucking Tower of Pisa