[Intro: Alfred Hitchcock]
How do you do, ladies and gentlemen?
My name is Alfred Hitchcock
And this is Music to Be Murdered By
It is mood music in a jugular vein
And I hope you like it
Our record requires only the simplest of equipment
An ordinary phonograph needle
A four-inch speaker
And a 38 caliber revolver
Naturally, the record is long-playing
Even though you may not be
So why don't you relax?
Lean back and enjoy yourself
Until the coroner comes

[Instrumental]