[Verse 1: Mickey Rooney]
Have some pity on an easterner
Show a little sympathy
No one possibly could be sterner
Than you have been with me

There's a job that I'm applying for
Let me put it to ya thus
It's a partnership I'm dyin' for
Mr. and Mrs. Us

Before you file it on the shelf
Let me tell you of myself

[Chorus 1: Mickey Rooney]
Oh I'm the chappie, to make ya happy
I'll tie your shoes-ies, and chase your blues-ies
Oh lady would ya, oh lady
Could ya use me?

I'd shake the mat out, and put the cat out
I'd clean the garret, and feed the parrot
Oh lady would ya, oh tell me
Could ya use me?

[Verse 2: Mickey Rooney]
Do ya realize what a good man you're getting in me?
I'm no elk or mason or woodman who gets home at three
The girls that see me grow soft and dreamy
But I'm a gander who won't philander
Oh, could ya use me?
'Cause I certainly could use you
[Verse 3: Judy Garland]
There's a chap I know in Mexico
Who's as strong as he can be
Eating nails and drinking Texaco
He is the type for me

There is one in California
More romantic far than you
When he sings "ha cha cha chornia"
I often think he'll do

But as for you sir, I'm afraid
You will never make the grade

[Chorus 2: Judy Garland]
For you're no cowboy, you're soft and how boy
I feel no muscle that's fit for tussle
I must refuse you, I cannot use you

'Scuse me

No nightlife for you
The birds would bore you
The cows won't know you
A horse would throw you
You silly man you
To ask me, can you use me?
Ha

[Verse 4: Judy Garland]
Though at love you may be a wizard, I'm wanting to know
Could you warm me up in a blizzard
Say, forty below?

Your ties are freakish, your knees are weakish
You're not a sender, you elbow-bender
Though you can use me
I most certainly can't use you