(Verse 1)
[DOCTORS 1 AND 2]
If a person starts to quiver
Through cirrhosis of the liver
We can't be bothered with that sort of thing at all

[DOCTORS 3 AND 4]
But how eagerly do we go
To an egg who has an ego
OR a brain that's scrambled way beyond recall

[DOCTORS 5 AND 6]
We don't cure appendicitis
Or the mumps or laryngitis
That is not the kind of service that we sell

[DOCTORS]
But we're always on location
When it's mental aberration
For that pays twice as well

[NURSES]
You must know that when a
Doctor's from Vienna
That pays twice as well
(Chorus 1)
[DOCTORS]
Doctor Freud and Jung and Adler, Adler and Jung and Freud
Six psychoanalysts we
Just let us make one diagnosis
We'll know was los is'
Doctor Freud and Jung and Adler, Adler and Jung and Freud
Visiting hours, 9 to 3
If you ever had the dream that Mrs. Grundy's
Always keeping her eye on you on Sund'ys
And you suddenly find you're standing in your undies
We are positive that you had better see
Doctor Freud and Jung and Adler, Adler and Jung and Freud
Six sex psychos we

(Chorus 2)
Doctor Freud and Jung and Adler, Adler and Jung and Freud
Six psychoanalysts we
Just let us make one diagnosis
We'll know was los is'
Doctor Freud and Jung and Adler, Adler and Jung and Freud
Visiting hours, 9 to 3
If you've any mental problem that perplexes
If there's anything that's wrong with your reflexes
If you're really not certain as to which your sex is
We are positive that you had better see
Doctor Freud and Jung and Adler, Adler and Jung and Freud
Six sex psychos we