(Verse)
[PETER]
Things have come to a pretty pass
Our romance is growing flat
For you like this and the other
While I go for this and that
Goodness knows what the end will be;
Oh, I don't know where I'm at...
It looks as if we two will never be one
Something must be done

(Chorus 1)
You say either and I say eyether
You say neither and I say nyther;
Either, eyether, neither, nyther
Let's call the whole thing off!

You like potato and I like potatoe
You like tomato and I like tomatoe;
Potato, potatoe, tomato, tomatoe!
Let's call the whole thing off!

But oh! If we call the whole thing off
Then we must part
And oh! If we ever part
Then that might break my heart!
So, if you like pyjamas and I like pyjahmas
I'll wear pyjamas and give up pyjahmas
For we know we need each other
So we better call the calling off off
Let's call the whole thing off!

(Chorus 2)
[LINDA]
You say laughter and I say lawfter
You say after and I say awfter;
Laughter, lawfter, after, awfter
Let's call the whole thing off!

You like vanilla and I like vanella
You, say s'parilla and I say s'parella;
Vanilla, vanella, chocolate, strawberry!
Let's call the whole thing off!

But oh! If we call the whole thing off
Then we must part
And oh! If we ever part
Then that might break my heart!

So, if you go for oysters and I go for ersters
I'll order oysters and cancel the ersters
For we know we need each other
So we better call the calling off off!
Let's call the whole thing off!