[Verse 1]
I started playing guitar by the town memorial
All my songs were singing editorials
And when I'd done the Sermon on the Mount
I counted my change, put it in my bank account
I didn't like the look of the local abattoir
So I left home, expanded my repertoire
I did some gigs, no one booed
I got free beer and I drank it with gratitude
Once I started, I couldn't stop

[Refrain]
That's how I got from the bottom to the top

[Verse 2]
Well, a businessman with a very young dolly bird
Talked through the set, liked what he thought he heard
Dropped some names he claimed to represent
And asked me if I had any management
Two weeks later, I'm signing on a dotted line
Offered some drugs, at first I declined
Lots of parties where the spread's incredible
But don't get close, man, the food's inedible
I became a spinning top

[Chorus]
And that's how I got from the bottom to the top
[Verse 3]
I got a sweet deal and I moved to America
I fell in love with an heiress called Erica
Started out smart, soon got silly
A party by the pool and an arrest for necrophilia
News travels fast like electricity
A bad mugshot, it's good publicity
I laid low for a month or two
And spent my dough building a recording studio
And that's when it all went pop

[Refrain]
And that's how I got from the bottom to the top of the bottom

[Verse 4]
My label and payola got me in the charts
My new management had me by the private parts
Went on strike, took the initiative
Forgetting that I didn't have a single chip to bargain with
I lost my nerve, my fall was glorious
The lawsuit was eternal and laborious
My new material was only fair-to-middling
Rome was burning and I did some fiddling
Finally, I was dropped

[Refrain]
And that's how I got from the bottom to the top of the bottom
[Verse 5]
Well, on the way down, people tend to leave you where you fall
I tried to stand up but I didn't have the wherewithal
I nearly died in a cab one day
So I swapped my bourbon for a bottle full of Perrier
There were rumours about my sexuality
Video star, killed by reality
Next thing I know, I'm on my knees
I'm begging the camera, will you vote me off the island please?
But the world forgives a flop

[Refrain]
That’s how I got from the bottom to the top of the bottom

[Verse 6]
Well, all that exposure and the phones start to ring again
I experience the strange urge to sing again
Not long ago, I was a boy with a dream
I reacquaint myself with a razor and some shaving cream
Look at me, I'm ripe for rediscovery
All I need is Mary to mother me
On the tenth green, I was way over par
My partner offered me a tour in Jesus Christ Superstar
And that's when the penny dropped

[Refrain]
That's how I got from the bottom to the top of the bottom
[Verse 7]
Well, we toured all over the States of America
I got a picture of my son from Erica
My parents wrote, "Since you disappeared
Hard to believe, but it's just been one year"
Now it's back to ale and cakes again
I wonder if I'll make the same mistakes again
I hope that you've enjoyed this tutorial
There's another young man playing the memorial
I'm getting bored of talking shop

[Refrain]
That's how I got from the bottom to the top of the bottom
To the top of the bottom
To the top of the bottom