[Verse 1]
He comes a-knockin' on a Friday night
With a box of Black Magic and a bottle of white
And if she's with him, she waits outside
Watch her do her lipstick in the passenger light
Mum gets quiet, mum gets sad
She sits in the kitchen, lost in the want ads

[Verse 2]
Mum, she makes the breakfast, walks us all to school
Works at the municipal swimming pool
It's sad he moved so far away
He's doing up his house now so we can stay
How we smiled, how we laughed
When he turned up in a sports car

[Chorus]
No one's quite as much fun as Uncle
No one's quite as much fun as Uncle
No onе's quite as much fun as Uncle Dad
He's thеre without warning
He's gone in the morning
It never gets boring
Uncle Dad

[Verse 3]
Careful where you tiptoe on the firing range
Gets a little tense at the hostage exchange
Not all the hostages want to go
I’m the peacemaker so I go with the flow
Out to the car and in the back seat
On with the seatbelt, out with the sweets
[Chorus]
And no one's quite as much fun as Uncle
No one's quite as much fun as Uncle
No one's quite as much fun as Uncle Dad
He's there in the driveway
Blimey, it's Friday
His car's is untidy
Uncle Dad

[Bridge]
I remember once when he came in for a drink
And he was there in the morning
Sitting in the kitchen with a mug of instant coffee
Yawning (Yawning, yawning)
Mum was smiling when we went to school
Later she was in mourning

[Verse 4]
It's always presents and it's always treats
Back home it's TV and it's just repeats
She says he thinks that life's one long cartoon
He really wishes Mum would get a boyfriend soon
Yeah we like her, Auntie Jane
But it's great to get home again

[Chorus]
Though no one's quite as much fun as Uncle (Uncle)
No one's quite as much fun as Uncle (Uncle)
No one's quite as much fun as Uncle Dad
He's there without warning
He's gone in the morning
It never gets boring
Uncle Dad