[Verse 1]
Well, he's done it all a million times
The gags, the repartee, the little crimes
Every audience is special and that goes for you
Well, he looks into your eyes again
Well, he never does it but he tries again, he tries again
Well, that old boy lost look could bruise you black and blue

[Chorus]
Everybody's looking for a single row so they can be alone
Because every time the lights go up, they'd rather be at home
I looked through all the wanted ads with a fine-toothed comb
All I came up with was another evening
Doing the same thing twice
Doing the same thing twice
That's what I was doing

[Verse 2]
Well, all the drinks that he's been sinking
Never ask him what he's thinking
Every audience is unique and that goes for you
Well, dead or alive you're coming with me
Because everything's my cup of tea, my cup of tea
That's why I've got this glitter suit and some green Italian shoes

[Chorus]
Everybody says they had, but we all know they didn't
It's impossible to be a little bit pregnant
Give me the whole fruit 'cause I'm getting just a segment
All I end up with is another evening
Doing the same thing twice
Doing the same thing twice
Doing the same thing twice
[Bridge]
You know it hurts so bad to get this stoned
By ugly looking bureaucrats with ears like headphones
Reading The Sun, Sunday Sport, S. Ideal Home, Woman's Own
Looks like you're on your own
You're on your own, you're on your own

[Verse 3]
Well, bring me on the magic sponge
My dying gasp, my final lunge
Well, it's all over now bar the dance
Do it now but don't get caught
I've been having third thoughts, third thoughts
They can be so clever, only when the script demands

[Chorus]
You cluttered up the sky now so you can't follow any star
Someone's sitting next to you in an empty cinema
No one wants to end up face down in a reservoir
I don't wanna end up with another evening
Saying the same thing twice
Saying the same thing twice
Saying the same thing twice
Saying the same thing twice

[Outro]
Banjo and fiddle