[MRS. TEASDALE]
For our information
Just for our illustration
Tell us how you intend to run the nation

[FIREFLY]
These are the laws of my administration:
No one's allowed to smoke
Or tell a dirty joke
And whistling is forbidden

[DIPLOMATS]
We're not allowed to tell a dirty joke
Hail, hail Freedonia

[FIREFLY]
If chewing gum is chewed
The chewer is pursued
And in the hoosegow hidden

[DIPLOMATS]
If we choose to chew we'll be pursued

[FIREFLY]
If any form of pleasure is exhibited
Report to me, and it will be prohibited
I'll put my foot down, so shall it be
This is the land of the free
The last man nearly ruined this place
He didn't know what to do with it
If you think this country's bad off now
Just wait till I get through with it
The country's taxes must be fixed
And I know what to do with it
If you think you're paying too much now
Just wait till I get through with it

(instrumental break)

I will not stand for anything that's crooked or unfair
I'm simply on the up and up, so everyone beware
If anyone's caught taking graft and I don't get my share
We stand him up against the wall and pop goes the weasel

Ah!

[DIPLOMATS]
So everyone beware
Who's crooked or unfair
If anyone's caught taking graft unless he gets his share

[FIREFLY]
If any man should come between a husband and his bride
We find our which one she prefers by letting her decide
If she prefers the other man, the husband steps outside
We stand him up against the wall and pop goes the weasel

Ah!
[DIPLOMATS]
The husband steps outside
Relinquishes his bride
They stand him up against the wall and take him for a ride