Too much nosh & too much booze
He spent all night in the bog with the blues
An aching head, intoxicated
He didn't even know he was constipated

He forced & he frowned
He pushed & he stained
But on the toilet seat he remained
He let out a shout as he passed out
& his gut was rearranged

No walks in the park
No drinks, no grub
He can't embark on a trip to the pub
He sits in the dark
And says don't trouble me

No one sees he's a ruptured man
He can't sneeze like you normally can
They're all mean, they're all riff raff
He turns green when they make him laugh
Ernie had a. Ernie had a...
Hernia, a hernie
Ernie had a. Ernie had a...
Hernia, a hernie...
He had a hernia

He can't stand up, her can't lie flat
The torment in his tummy preventing that
He can't sit down, can't go anywhere
The devil in his belly proving too much to bear

He can't go out & he can't stay in
Oh what's it all about? He just can't win
No chance of a bath
Or to see the lavatory for him

No one sees he's a ruptured man
He can't sneeze like you normally can...

Ernie never smiles & he dare not grin
An aggravating abdomen wearing him thin
Ernie had a hernia but he did not give in
No one sees he's a ruptured man
He can't sneeze like you normally can
They're all mean, they're all riff raff
He turns green when they make him laugh
Ernie had a. Ernie had a...
Hernia, a hernie
Ernie had a. Ernie had a...
Hernia, a hernie...
He had a hernia
Ernia had a...
He had a hernia