[Intro, Translator Batez (Chantal Claret), Translator Bentz (Jimmy Urine), both]
Once there was a time you needed transcripts
And triplicates and duplicates to log
By letter, bone, and tar, and as the time slipped
Stenographers and upstrikers and slogs
Yes, it was a sorry time for chalking
Every foot and header to be drawn
But now we have machines to write the talking
The days of breaking hands with words are gone!

[Chorus, Translator Batez and Translator Bentz]
See how we dictate of you, translate for you!
Cutting conversation, every tongue in harmonation
And transmit to you, make writ of you!
Spinning mandrels, innovating ways to make you talk!

[Verse 1, Translator Batez, Translator Bentz, both]
Lift the tube and mouthpiece from the gurdy
Aim the dictator against your pout
Depress the metal treadle with your derbies
Oh, how the waxy barrel spins about!

Beat your jaws and start the duplication
A needle traces every err and tone
Listen back to your domestication
A hearing! And a sentence! Through the phones!
[Chorus, Translator Batez and Translator Bentz]
See how we dictate of you, translate for you!
Cutting conversation, every tongue in harmonation
And transmit to you, make writ of you!
Spinning mandrels, innovating ways to make you talk!

Dictate of you, translate for you!
Cutting conversation, every tongue in harmonation
And transmit to you, make writ of you!
Spinning mandrels, innovating ways to make you -

[Verse 2, Translator Batez, Translator Bentz, both]
Finally, the shaving engine cycles
Whittling the wax down to the skin
So the cylinder can be recycled
To try your testimony once again!
Bolt your words and measure your intentions
Rid yourself of every hiss and hoarse
Fidelity's the gristle of invention
Capturing our voices for the court!

[Chorus, Translator Batez and Translator Bentz]
See how we dictate of you, translate for you!
Cutting conversation, every tongue in harmonation
And transmit to you, make writ of you!
Spinning mandrels (spinning mandrels, spinning mandrels...)
Innovating ways to make you talk!