[Verse 1: Apollonia]
Late in my early teenage
I was considered fast
While some of the girls were failing
I passed in every class
Our principal's name was Christian
And I played upon his fears
In exchange for my diploma
I loved him through the years

[Chorus: All]
Happy birthday, Mr. Christian
What are we gonna do?
You want a teenage pastime
I want a love that's true
A man in your position
You oughta be ashamed
Happy birthday, Mr. Christian
Why can't you live up to your name?

[Verse 2: Apollonia & All]
It was only the first semester
But my body developed quick
Compared to the size of my chest then
All the other girls looked sick
Mr. Christian stared at me always
Desire turned to pain
I suggested we go to his office
And that's when the lunch bell rang
[Chorus: All]
Happy birthday, Mr. Christian
What are we gonna do? (What are we gonna do?)
You want a teenage pastime
I want a love that's true (Oh, I want a love that's true)
A man in your position
You oughta be ashamed (You oughta be ashamed)
Happy birthday, Mr. Christian
Why can't you live up to your name? (Wow!)

[Post-Chorus: All]
Sha-la-la-la, la-la-la
Sha-la-la-la, la-la-la

[Bridge: Brenda, Apollonia & All]
Oh, Mr. Christian, you're a bad boy
Why, that's not a pencil! Shame
Oh, Mr. Christian, you're a bad boy
Why can't you live up to your name?

[Verse 3: All & Apollonia]
We had our love down to an art form (We had our love down to an art form)
Each act was like scenes from a play (Every act like scenes from a play)
With every lesson I gave him (With every lesson I gave him)
Mr. Christian gave me an "A" (Mr. Christian gave me an "A")
I graduated with honors (I graduated with honors)
A riddle to everyone (A riddle to everyone)
Everyone except Christian (Everyone except Christian)
Mr. Christian, I and our son (Mr. Christian, me and our son)
[Chorus: All & Apollonia]
Happy birthday, Mr. Christian
What are we gonna do? (What are we gonna do?)
You want a teenage pastime
I want a love that's true (I want a love that's true)
A man in your position (Woah)
You oughta be ashamed (You oughta be ashamed)
Happy birthday, Mr. Christian (Whoo)
Why can't you live up to your name? (Why can't you live up to your name?)
Happy birthday, Mr. Christian
What are we gonna do? (What are we gonna do?)
You want a teenage pastime (No tengo tiempo para jugar)
I want a love that's true (Necesito un hombre verdadero, no metido)
A man in your position (Tú sí que no te enteras, chaval, OK?)
You oughta be ashamed (Qué hacemos? Habla fuerte que no te oigo!)
Happy birthday, Mr. Christian (Christian! Christian!)

[Post-Chorus: All & Brenda]
Woah-woah-woah-woah
Woah-woah-woah-woah-woah
Oh, Mr. Christian, you're a bad boy

[Interlude: All & Apollonia]
Ah yeah (Whoo!)
Yeah (Whoo!)
Ah yeah
Christian
Ah yeah (Whoo!)
Gimme some horns, uh!
I like it!
Ah yeah
(Christian!)
(Christian!)
(Christian!)
(Christian!)
Ah yeah
[Outro: Apollonia]
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, Mr. Christian
Happy birthday to you

[Instrumental Break]

[Outro: All & Apollonia]
Sha-la-la-la, la-la-la
Sha-la-la-la, la-la-la
Sha-la-la-la, la-la-la
Happy birthday, Mr. Christian