Announcer: INTRUDER ALERT! A RED SPY IS IN THE BASE!

Soldier: A red spy is in the base?

Announcer: Protect the briefcase!

Soldier: We need to protect the briefcase!

Scout: Yo, a lil' help here?

Soldier: I got it. 1, 1, 1, ummm, 1.

Scout: Go, go.

Heavy: INCOMING!

Scout: AAA-hey, it's still here!

Spy: Ahem. Gentlemen.

[Meet the spy intro plays.]

Spy: I see the briefcase is safe. Tell me, did you happen to kill a red spy on the way here? No? Then we still have a problem.

Soldier: And a knife.
Scout: Oooh, big problem. I've killed plenty of spies, they're dime-a-dozen back-stabbing scumbags - like you! Ow. No offense.

Spy: If you managed to kill them I assure you they were not like me. And nothing, nothing like the man loose inside this building.

Scout: What are you, president of his fan club?

Spy: No, that would be your mother!

Scout: [Stammers]

Spy: Indeed, and now he's here to f**k us! So listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that happens to you today.

Soldier: Oh!

Scout: Gimmie that!

Spy: The spy has already breached our defenses.

Engineer: Sentry down!

Spy: We've seen what he's done to our colleagues!

Sniper: [Gets backstabbed] Ahhhh!

Spy: And worst of all, he could be any one of us!
Medic: Raus, raus!

Red Spy: [Turns into Medic]

Medic: Nein...

Spy: He could be you, he could be me, he could even be-

Scout: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Soldier: What? It was obvious! He's the red spy! Watch, he should be turning red any second now......any second. See, red! Oh, wait that's blood.

Heavy: So, we still have problem.

Soldier: Big problem. All right, who's ready to go find this Spy?

[Scout sneaks up behind Soldier and Heavy, readying his balisong. He reveals himself to be the Red Spy all along.]

Red Spy: Right behind you.

[Team Fortress 2 theme plays as Soldier and Heavy get backstabbed to the beat of the theme. Then cut to Spy sifting through the pornographic Polaroids of him and Scout's mother until he picks up one where they're holding hands. He admires it, stuffs it in his coat's pocket and walks away with the briefcase]

Red Spy: Ah, mon petit chou-fleur...