Dave Malloy
The Duel (Off-Broadway Version)
[ANATOLE]
Good evening, Pierre
Studying?
 
[PIERRE]
Yes.
How was the opera?
 
[ANATOLE]
Lovely
Natalya Rostova was there
 
[PIERRE]
Oh?
Oh, that charming young girl?
I have known her since she was a child
And long carried affection for her
 
[ANATOLE]
Yes, charming
Look, Dolokhov is coming round
And we are off to the Club
Will you come, old man?
 
[PIERRE]
I will come
 
[ANATOLE]
Lend me fifty rubles?
 
[DOLOKHOV]
Drink, drink
Gonna drink tonight,
Gonna drink tonight,
Gonna drink,
Gonna drink,
Gonna drink tonight,
Gonna drink tonight,
Gonna drink tonight,
Gonna
 
[DOLOKHOV, ANATOLE & PIERRE]
Drink, drink
Gonna drink tonight,
Gonna drink tonight,
Gonna
Gonna drink,
Gonna drink tonight,
Gonna drink tonight,
Gonna drink tonight
 
[ALL]
Drink with me my love
For there's fire in the sky,
And there's ice on the ground—
Either way, my soul will die
Whoa...
 
[PIERRE]
The doctors warn me
That, with my corpulence,
Vodka and wine are dangerous for me
But I drink a great deal
Only quite at ease
After pouring several glasses
Mechanically into my large mouth
 
[ALL]
Then I feel
A pleasant warmth in my body,
A sentimental attachment to my fellow men
 
[HÉLÈNE]
Keep drinking old man
 
[ANATOLE & DOLOKHOV]
Keep drinking old man
 
[HÉLÈNE, ANATOLE & DOLOKHOV]
Drink the whole night through
Keep drinking old man
 
[ALL]
Keep drinking old man,
Drink the whole night through
Keep drinking old man
 
[DOLOKHOV]
Now, Anatole,
What women tonight?
Moscow ladies
Or Gypsy girls?
French actresses?
 
[ANATOLE]
Just no more unmarried heiresses,
So plain and boring!
 
[DOLOKHOV]
And a little too dangerous, eh?
Anatole is a married man
A fact known only to his intimates
A Polish landowner of some small means
Had forced him to marry his daughter
 
[ANATOLE]
Never mind about that now,
It doesn't matter, I don't give a damn
Just as a duck is made to swim in water,
God has made me as I am
All I care for is gaiety and women
And there's no dishonor in that
As long as there's money and vodka,
I'll keep a feather in my hat
 
[ALL]
Whoa...
 
[PIERRE]
I used to love,
I used to love,
I used to be better
 
[CHORUS]
Keep drinking old man
 
[HÉLÈNE]
Yes, drink, drink, drink
Drink, drink, drink
God, to think I married a man like you
 
[PIERRE]
Don't speak to me, wife—
There is something inside me
 
[HÉLÈNE]
Dolokhov, pour me another
 
[PIERRE]
Something terrible and monstrous
 
[DOLOKHOV]
Here's to the health of married women!
And a smile lurks in the corner of my mouth
Here's to the health of married women,
And their lovers!
 
[DOLOKHOV & CHORUS]
Here's to the health of married women!
Here's to the health of married women,
And their lovers!
Here's to the health of married women!
Here's to the health of married women,
And their lovers!
 
[PIERRE]
How dare you touch her?
 
[DOLOKHOV]
You can't love her!
 
[PIERRE]
Enough!
You bully, you scoundrel!
I challenge you!
 
[DOLOKHOV]
Oh, a duel!
Yes, this is what I like
 
[HÉLÈNE]
He will kill you,
Stupid husband!
 
[PIERRE]
So I shall be killed,
What is it to you!
Anatole, my guns
 
[ANATOLE]
Oh, this is horribly stupid!
 
[PIERRE]
Just show me where to go
And tell me when to shoot
 
[ANATOLE]
Just wait 'til you're close enough,
You'll never hit him from forty paces
 
[DOLOKHOV]
Well, let's begin
This is child's play
 
[SERVANT (DENISOV)]
As the adversaries have refused a reconciliation,
We shall please proceed with the duel
Ready your pistols,
And on the count of tri,
Begin to advance
 
[ALL]
Rahz! Dva! Tri!
 
[ANATOLE]
Pierre, hold your fire
Pierre, hold your fire
Pierre, not yet!
[PIERRE FIRES & HITS DOLOKHOV]
 
[DOLOKHOV]
No!
My turn
 
[PIERRE]
My turn

[PIERRE CONTINUES TOWARD
DOLOKHOV, CHEST EXPOSED]
 
[ANATOLE]
Pierre!
Stand back!
 
[DOLOKHOV SHOOTS]
 
[DOLOKHOV]
Missed,
Missed
Oh my mother, my angel,
My adored angel mother!
 
[HÉLÈNE]
Take him away
 
[PIERRE]
Missed,
Missed
Such a storm of feelings
 
[HÉLÈNE]
You are a fool
 
~~~~~~~
 
[ANATOLE]
Natasha, Natasha
Her arms, her shoulders
Her neck, her feet
 
[HÉLÈNE]
The air of a connoisseur
 
[ANATOLE]
I will make love to her
 
[HÉLÈNE]
And what will come of it?
She's first-rate, my dear,
But she's not for you—
You'd better wait till she's married
 
[ANATOLE]
You know I adore little girls,
They lose their heads at once
 
Ask her to dinner, eh?
Sweet sister