​i. desert

SADIE
​so the house was my aunt’s house
​she had been traveling in korea
​and they were just doing soooooooooo much better than us
​in every way
​so she stayed there

​but she knew i was going through a tough time
​with my breakup
​so, she offered me her place
​sooooo kind
​i accepted—
​thank you auntie

​and the house was fucking great

​big brass bed!
​comfy leather couch!
​big tv!
​fully stocked kitchen!

​and a hot tub out back
​where i could gaze into the sky
​all night long
​so many stars to behold!
​i smile at them
​and they wink
​with crystalline wet eyes

​and the coyotes howl
​and the moths flitter and flutter
​while the windchimes whisper lullabies
​all night long

​during the day
​the sun screams at the cacti
​colorstorms of dust get in your eyes
​and the mountains in the distance stand like gods

​all of which is to say
​it was all quite stunning
​all of which is to say
​it was a fantastic place

​and all in all
​this was a setting
​that really should have been

SADIE, SUSAN & BECKETT
​quite conducive
​to tender heart healing and positive mental health
/ / /

SADIE
​and yet

​for the first time ever
​i was truly and totally
​alone

​there was suddenly
​so
​much
​time

​too much time
​and nothing to fill it

So i spent the majority of my time in taos
​building a digital replica of my grandparents’ house
​inside one of those cute and obsessive
​life-simulation video games