JOSH: Just feel like I’m faking it
PAULA: Tim, you have never given your wife an orgasm
REBECCA: Fake being satisfied?
MRS. HERNANDEZ: Sounds like a vibrator
REBECCA: You’re doing it wrong
PAULA: Not even once

Such profound humiliation
Such all consuming shame
The buzzing from the bathroom
Has finally been explained

That was no electric toothbrush
No facial scrub device
And now I finally know the meaning
Of the words “Tim, that was nice”

We used two different positions
Every other Sunday night
All her writhing, moaning, sighing
I thought I was doing it right

But as I drifted off to slumber
Thinking I had brought her joy
She would slink off to the bathroom
With that blasted plastic toy
All the buzzing, cursed buzzing
That damn incessant hum
I used to think I was a hero
Can’t believe she didn’t come

To tell me that she needed
So much more than I could give
Now the buzzing from the bathroom
Tells the lie that we both live

What is pleasure but reunion?
When with one soul another joins
Yet I’m haunted by the buzzing from the bathroom
Like tinnitus of the loins