(Spoken Intro)
[SHAINA]
Yo, Rachel and I both just got dumped!

[RACHEL]
Yeah, and you know what? We're better off, Rob

[SHAINA]
Damn right. It's time to have a girl's night

[RACHEL]
Yeah, it's time to have a girl's night. Let's start singing now

(Song)
[SHAINA]
Baby, ever since you left
I've been lookin' so damn fine
I'm feeling like myself again
It's about goddamn time

[RACHEL]
Baby, ever since you left
I've been eatin' a lot of cheese
I haven't showered in three days
And I'm sleeping with my dog, Louise
[RACHEL AND SHAINA]
We don't need a man
I'm better off alone
We don't need a man

[RACHEL]
I don't deserve love

[SHAINA]
Gettin' ready for the club
Jammin' to my favorite song
Got my short short skirt and my high high heels
And my red lipstick on

[RACHEL]
Gettin' ready for the club
And by "club," I mean the bath
Got my short short skirt, my high high heels
And write Rob's name on my arms in red lipstick

[RACHEL AND SHAINA]
We don't need a man
I'm an empowered woman
We don't need a man

[RACHEL]
I made a life-size replica of you out of socks you left at my apartment
[SHAINA]
Oh, I'm stronger now without you holding me back

[RACHEL]
Oh, I'm stronger now from carrying the sock man while we dance

[SHAINA]
I should have left you a long time ago

[RACHEL]
I shouldn't have been fat

[RACHEL AND SHAINA]
We don't need a man
(Don't need a man!)
We don't need a man
I'm better off alone

(Spoken Outro)
[RACHEL]
Shut up! Stop, stop! Come on, this is so fake! You always told me that Eric was the love of your life. Don't you miss him?

[SHAINA]
Yes, I do!

[RACHEL]
Pathetic. I'm pregnant!