[Verse 1]
Unfortunately, I wanna have sex with you
I don't know what happened
Maybe you lost some weight
For some reason, you're now on the top of my to-do list
Let's get this over with
So I can focus on other tasks

[Chorus]
Let's have intercourse
(Let's have intercourse)
Just pretend I'm seducing you
Come on, let's quickly have intercourse
(Let's quickly have intercourse)
So I can move on with my life
My busy life

[Verse 2]
You and I are both highly intelligent people
Although I'm in much better physical shape
Once we do it, it'll be like
"Well, that's what that was like"
And you'll hopefully go back to seeming weird to me

[Chorus]
But right now let's have intercourse
(Let's have intercourse)
I mean, obviously you want to, too
Just super quickly have intercourse
(Super quickly have intercourse)
You could use the exercise
[Bridge]
Sometimes my body wants things that my mind does not
My body wants things that make my mind go "Uh, body, what?"
We're animals, it's unfortunate
So come on, let's contortion it
I won't be back to normal till
I see what your nipples look like
They're probably straightforward nipples
I won't know for sure

[Chorus]
Until we stop wasting time talking 'bout it
And we super quickly
It'll only take a second
Have intercourse
(Have intercourse)

Good thing I happen to have an old condom in my wallet