Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark trying to save paper
Sleeps in a hole in the road, yes he does
Saving up to buy some clothes, yes he is
He keeps a ten-bob note up his nose, yes he does
He's such a mean old man, yes he is
He's such a mean old man, yes he is

His sister Shelly works in a shop
She never stops, she's a go-getter
She's slaving up to look at the queen, god save the queen
Only place that he's ever been, god save the queen
He always shouts out something obscene
He's such a dirty old man
Dirty old man

[Paul McCartney]
Come on now did I see you?
Well who knows

[John Lennon]
His sister Bernice works in the furnace