[Verse 1]
Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark trying to save paper
Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy some clothes
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose
He's such a mean old man
Such a mean old man

[Verse 2]
His sister Shirley works in a shop
She never stops, she's a go-getter
Takes him out to look at the Queen
It's the only place that he's ever been
Always shouts out something obscene
He's such a dirty old man
Such a dirty old man
(Hey!)

[Bridge]
Mean Mr. Mustard
Such a dirty, dirty
Mean Mr. Mustard
Such a dirty, dirty
Mean Mr. Mustard
(Such a dirty, dirty)
Oh yeah brother, come here
I'll grip your—grip your thigh
[Verse 1]
Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark trying to save paper (shoot)
Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy some clothes
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose

[Outro]
He's such a mean old man
Such a mean old man