I'm just a plumber
Bummin' in the shadow of my brother
Clean your house of cobwebs
Any present I can plunder
I'm a little nervous
Afraid of dark rooms and dark moons
Suck up spirits with my vacuum
My mustache gets mad poon

I'm the guy in green
I can jump higher than the others
Not a hater, I'm good natured
Not easily angered like my brother
Who has strangely gone missing
For what seems like the second time
I was eating cookies and milk
Now I'm fucking filthy with slime

Professor Elva needs my helping
In the valley evershade
I collect in a clever way
Because I'm never paid
Professor prefers the paranormal
Always seeking out the truth
I quiver lots and his liver spots
Tingle at his single tooth
He hooks me up with hunting gear
Repurposed household items
A vacuum and a flashlight
Doesn't change the fact I'm frightened
My brother's chasing girls
In sunny worlds, he's dedicated
Never prepared for sliding stairs
Always scared and pixelated

A manor and a mansion
A tower and a mine
A clock with mummies underneath
A fleet of freaks to find
Ghosts that once had eyes
Are no longer pacified
I have to try, that's my life
But it's the kind that's asinine

I'm just a plumber
Bummin' in the shadow of my brother
Clean your house of cobwebs
Any present I can plunder
I'm a little nervous
Afraid of dark rooms and dark moons
Suck up spirits with my vacuum
My mustache gets mad poon
Spooky as fuck mansions
Gloomy Tut tombs
Make a mustache man
Sadly miss mushrooms
Once pursued on a cube
By a room full of Boos
Now I'm held in your hands
Like a damn vacuum

Back to the lab
Where I get graded on ghosts
They're put in a vault-
It's my fault, I suppose
Then back to the map
It's macabre and malignant
Rob me of my dignity
These imps are indignant

So many pesky poltergeists
Pugnacious and persistent
Afraid of spiders, plants and mice
Not toads they're my assistants
This creepy crib is lucrative
I suck up cash and hearts
Still stead losin', getting bruised
Wish I was cruising in my kart
I'm just a plumber
Bummin' in the shadow of my brother
Clean your house of cobwebs
Any present I can plunder
I'm a little nervous
Afraid of dark rooms and dark moons
Suck up spirits with my vacuum
My mustache gets mad poon

Didn't ask for the secret passage
I fear forbidden zones
Polterpups instead of 1-Ups
If I find the hidden bones
Wish I could 'Ciao' but for now
I'm wanted in a haunted house
I'd rather be a racoon
Or a cat that says, "Meow!"

No teammates 'cept my boss
Who's a little off his rocker
I'm all alone inside his home
Except for several stalkers
They hide in suits of armor
They rest in chests and drawers
Their abetting's got me sweating
It's upsetting to my pores

An explorer's expansive mansion
Is where the tension builds
His exhibits make me livid
Rather hide than ride these thrills
Been in jungles, been in deserts
I've seen Mammoths on the ice
Seens sights out of sight
'Till I used my dark light device

The crew has got a king
He's the type that likes lightning strikes
Put my brother in a painting
No more fainting, time to fight
This boss battle has me rattled
I'm determined to succeed
I'm through with this abuse
Now I choose to take the lead

I'm just a plumber
Bummin' in the shadow of my brother
Clean your house of cobwebs
Any present I can plunder
I'm a little nervous
Afraid of dark rooms and dark moons
Suck up spirits with my vacuum
My mustache gets mad poon