Sitting around on Christmas eve
It's a cold and frosty night
Huddled around the fireplace
But the damn thing just won't light

Paper and coal and wood won't burn
Even soaked in gasoline
So I doused the fireplace
With nitroglycerin

Tragically this happened
Just when Santa was inside
Blood came pouring down the chimney
Bits of beard and chunks of kidney

Reindeer fur is everywhere
With bones and presents mixed
Dasher is dead and tangled up
With the spinal cord of Blitzer

All that's left of Rudolph
Is a very blackened nose
Elves rush in in then faint and vomit
Near the twitching corpse of Comet

Mucking around on Christmas eve
Now Santa's on the slab
Looks like Donna is a goner
Anyone for Donna kebab?