[Verse 1: Suman Biswas]
Some people like to get a train to work
Or drive in, in a Beamer or a Merc
Some guys like to travel in by bus
But I can't be bothered with the fuss today
I'm gonna take by bike
Cause once again the Tube's on strike
The greedy bastards want extra pay
For sitting on their arse all day
Even though they earn 30k
So I'm here in the pouring rain

[Hook 1: Adam Kay & Suman Biswas]
Where the fuck's my fucking train?
London Underground, London Underground
They're all lazy fucking useless cunts
London Underground, London Underground
They're all greedy cunts
I want to shoot them all with a rifle

[Verse 2: Adam Kay]
All they say is 'please mind the doors'
And they learn that on their two day course
This job can be done by a four year old
They just leave us freezing in the cold
What you smell is what you get
Burger King and piss and sweat
You roast to death in the boiling heat
With tourists treading on your feet
And chewing gum on every seat
So don't tell me to 'mind the gap'
[Hook 2: Adam Kay & Suman Biswas]
I want my fucking money back
London Underground, London Underground
They're all fucking useless cunts
London Underground, London Undeground
They're all greedy cunts
I want to shoot them all with a rifle

La la la la (x2)

[Verse 3: Suman Biswas]

The floors are sticky, the seats are damp
Every platform has a fucking tramp
But the drivers get the day off when

[Hook 3: Adam Kay & Suman Biswas]
We're all late for work again
London Underground, London Underground
Wa wa wankers
They're all wankers
London Underground

[Outro]
Take your Oyster card
And shove it up your arsehole