I'm hung like an earthworm, balls bluer than Smurf sperm
And if I was the President of the U.S
I'd be impeached in my first term
So first learn my germs burn like the worst perm
Plus I'm getting Growing Pains
Like Kirk Cameron and Joanna Kerns

Yo seriously dude, I'm down for a chatroom cipher
I'll hit you off with Wonder Years
Like my man Paul Pfeiffer
Can you decipher how I'm kinda like MacGuyver?
Making a half pipe out of wood, some tires and a lighter

I met this girl Gretchen who gave me an erection
I learned a lesson and affection when I came in two seconds
I saw her at the mall then
She was hanging out with her tall friend
She acted real awkward so I went to the food court!

And then a girl named Samantha, she was a good dancer
We went to my bedroom and we watched some Max Headroom
When I pulled down my pants, she started to laugh quick
Cause she saw that my penis was the size of a chapstick!
[SAY WHAT???]
She saw that my penis was the size of a chapstick!
[OOOOOOOOOH! That's cold.]