[Verse 1]
I am the drunkest, ugliest girl at the bar
Oh, well, I'm scheming and I'm scheming and I'm scheming
And I'm gonna go far
All the boys, yeah, they think I'm a star
Because I'm drinking and I'm drinking and I'm drinking
Yeah, I go pretty hard
I get a pinch on my ass when I lean on the sill
And then I bent it and I bent it and I bent it
But not to pick up the bill
My husband's at work, my baby's in a Daewoo sauna
I hold my breath when I check
Just to see that she isn't a goner

[Chorus]
The little dream sits there, she's like a fly in a jar
Yeah, who the hell are they to tell me
That I can't leave my kid in the car?
I am the goddamn drunkest, ugliest girl at the bar
Yeah, who the hell are you to tell me
That I can't leave my kid in the car?

[Instrumental Break]

[Chorus]
Yeah, who the hell are you to tell me
That I can't leave my kid in the car?
Yeah, who the hell are you to tell me
That I can't leave my kid in the car?
[Verse 2]
I am the dumbest, richest guy at the bar
Yeah, well, I'd take you for a ride
But my girl took the keys to my car
I made a deal over lunch, baby
Yeah, it was worth 15K
I show my teeth when I smile in a real matter-of-fact way
I make so much money, I swear I never get any older
But I don't talk to my brother
'Cause that prick's got a chip on his shoulder
Oh, yeah, I'm feelin' real good
How much for one of those cigars?
I want to breathe like a dragon, baby
I cough up burning hot tar
Hey, look, I'm cold outta cash
Just put it all on my card
Hey, wait, but you can't cut it up
My credit rating is five stars
Oh, well, this place is a joke
Yeah, who do you think you are?
You're talking to the goddamn dumbest, richest guy at the bar