[Interlude]
There's a big difference between being a bad person and a being a good person that's done bad things. I spent a lot of time in my life with the belief that I was defective in some way. That there was a quality inside me that me unfit or unworthy, even rotten. And if I screwed up and faced anger and disappointment I used it as justification for that belief. And that is what shame feels like. To me shame is very different from guilt. Shame is I am a bad person, guilt is I'm a good person who's done bad things. And shame takes away one of the best qualities that you have. Mainly the courage to take responsibility for what you do. And the courage to understand why you do act badly sometimes and where those impulses come from and the courage to do something about it. In guilt there's hope, in shame there's none.

I'm sick today and that's all I have in me, but there's someone who talks much more eloquently than I do, Dr. Brene Brown.