STAR:
Norman's office got on my nerves to-day

WIFE:
What do you mean? You are Norman!

STAR:
(Shouts) I am a star!

WIFE:
You're not a star Norman. You're just a plain ordinary little bloke and even if you walked down the street in a silver suit people still wouldn't recognise you. You're dull, ordinary and uninteresting! You're a drag!

STAR:
I hate this house and I hate you, but more than anything else I hate those ducks!

WIFE:
Don't you touch those ducks Norman! They were a present from my mother. Look, Norman, I've had enough of you and your ridiculous fantasies. First of all you wanted to be a painter, then you wanted to be an astronaut, then a footballer and now you're playing at being a rock singer. If you touch those ducks I'm leaving!

My lady's got the most deplorable taste
But her biggest mistake
Is hanging over the fireplace
She's got ducks, ducks on the wall
Ducks, ducks, hanging on the wall

My lady's got a sort of strange fascination
An obsessive fixation
For cheap decorations
She's got ducks, ducks on the wall
Ducks, ducks, hanging on the wall
Wo-wo-wo I love her so but if she don't move the ducks
I think my mind is gonna go
Ducks ducks ducks on the wall
Ducks ducks, hanging on the wall

I leave the office and I want to relax
Don't want to stare at a wall
And look at a duck that can't quack
I love you baby but I can't fall
For those ducks on the wall

I start to snuggle up and squeeze her so tight
Then out of the corner of my eye
I see those ducks in flight
I love you baby but I can't ball
When I see those ducks on the wall

Wo-wo-wo I can sit through your gossip and your soap opera shows
But those ducks have got to go
I love you baby but I can't ball
When I see those ducks on the wall

And when I went to a cocktail party
With the bores next door
What was the first thing that I saw?
Ducks, ducks, ducks on the wall
Ducks, ducks hanging on the wall
My baby's got the most deplorable taste
But her biggest mistake
Is hanging over the fireplace
She's got ducks, ducks on the wall
Ducks, ducks hanging on the wall

I'll sit and look at all the soap operas with her
I'll play all the panel games and watch all the quiz shows
But those ducks they've got to go
Those ducks are getting up my nose

If those ducks can fly, well so can I
And if those ducks have got to stay
Then I'm going to fly away
I love you baby but I can't ball
When I see those ducks on the wall

Ducks, ducks, ducks on the wall
Ducks, ducks, ducks on the wall
Oh those ducks on the wall are beginning to move
They're talking to me
I've got to get out
I've got to get away from those ducks