I don't wanna leave, Bernadette
But I don't wanna live with the jet set
I don't wanna leave with you payin' all my debts
With that alimony, palimony, whatever it is you get

Ooh, Bernadette, you are so expensive
You've never done a day's work in your life
You've got no incentive
You've made a career out of punting off all of the men you've slept with
Ooh, Bernadette, you are so expensive

I can't get a job, Bernadette
So all that I can offer are a lot of bad debts
If you marry me, Bernadette
You'll lose the alimony, palimony, whatever it is you get

Ooh, Bernadette, you are so expensive
You've never done a day's work in your life
You've got no incentive
You've made a career out of punting off all of the men you've slept with
Ooh, Bernadette, you are so expensive
Ooh, Bernadette, Bernadette
Ooh, Bernadette, Bernadette

(Bernadette's got a house in the country
She's really got it made
Her lawyers made her filthy rich
She's got all expenses paid)
Maybe a famous rock star will fly you away
Then you'll eat him all up
And spit him out
With a dash of Perrier

And when you've had enough
You'll throw him away
And take him for all you can get
Yeah, you like it don't you, Bernadette?

I don't want to leave Bernadette
But I wanna keep a little bit of self respect
I don't want to leave with you paying all my debts
With that alimony, palimony, whatever it is you get
Ooh, Bernadette, you are so expensive
You've never done a day's work in your life
You've got no incentive
Women like you oughta be locked up
For giving others a bad name
Ohh, Bernadette, you are so expensive
Ooh, Bernadette, Bernadette
Ooh, Bernadette

I think you're sad