[Verse 1]
I wouldn't have an old man
If his prick was solid gold
I'd choose me a young man
Whose bullocks ain't so cold

[Verse 2]
I wouldn't marry an old maid
I'll tell you the reason why
Her ass is always leaking
And her pussy's too damn dry

[Verse 3]
I wouldn't marry a widower woman
I'll tell you the reason why
She's got too many snot-nosed kids
And they make the biscuits fly

[Verse 4]
I wouldn't marry a schoolmarm
I'll tell you the reason why
Her neck's so long and stringy
I'm afraid she'll never die

[Verse 5]
I wouldn't marry Gershon's girl
I'll tell you the reason why
She went and shit in the bread-tray
And called it pumpkin pie