Do you smoke? Do you drink?
Do your armpits tend to stink?
Why’d you dye your messy hair?
Do you change your underwear?

Sorry, we should really go
We were here to see a show
Meeting you’s been such a treat!
Yo, your dad is super sweet-

Maybe I wasn’t clear
You two are staying here
Tell me about your work!
You got a job, you little jerk?

Yeah, about that-
No, sir… I’m still in school
Learning is pretty cool!
One day with my degree-
-You’ll never be as good as me

No one dates my daughter till they earn the right
I don’t know you. I don’t like you. Therе’s no chance I might
And nothing brings me more malicious and dеpraved delight
Than to bury Girlfriend’s boyfriend on a funkin’ Friday night!
/
This may seem impolite
But we were not planning to invite
Our parents… Don’t take this as a slight
Enjoy the rest of your funkin’ Friday night
Do you spit or pick your nose?
Own a gun? Wear women’s clothes?
Suck your thumb or bite your nails?
GET BEATEN UP BY ALPHA MALES?

Listen, lady- (-Call me Mom~)
-normally I’m much more calm
But tonight I’m on a date
So all these questions gotta wait

Got any moles or warts?
Rashes of any sort?
Do you eat human meat?
Suckle at the devil’s teat?

What does that even mean?!
I’m just a normal teen!
-Do you know the muffin man?
-Or have a Roth retirement plan?

(chorus 1)

Please give your perspective
On modern Non-Objective art!

Sorry, no thanks… I gotta be frank
That we’re due to depart…
Do you have tattoos?
What size are the shoes you’re wearing?
We need to know, has your appendix been removed?

What’s your blood type? Been to Spain?
Were you ever potty trained?
Do you recycle glass and cans?
Tell us all your future plans-
/
No- Yes- About 11
O, I guess, around age 7
I don’t see how
These questions matter now-

Mom. Dad… Since you’ve shown up
Things have really blown up!
Look at me! I’m a grown-up!
I can make my own decisions!

Girlfriend, don’t be silly
Do you think he’s really
Good enough for you?
Is this the best you can do?

Sure, he’s not drop-dead gorgeous-
-Smells like Old Spice and oranges-
I don’t really mind
Plus they say that love is blind-
Does he brush twice a day?
Eat gluten soy, eggs, or whey?
See, you don’t even know!
This dumb kid has got to go!

You’re being so unfair!
He’s not a creep, I swear!
We’ll be together… forever!
Our kids will have blue hair!
/
Listen, pumpkin
Go on, dump him
Don’t protest…
We know best!

Boyfriend cannot date you till he earns the right!
He just met you — barely knows you — but I’m scared he might!
You’re clearly smitten with his wit and yes, he seems polite
But Boyfriend needs a different Girlfriend for his funkin Friday night!

This discussion’s over. I won’t have this fight!
Why’d we ever let you sign up for that dating site?
He may seem positively dreamy — straight up dynamite
But Boyfriend’s still a swinging single on this funkin Friday night!
/
Girlfriend ain’t your girlfriend, so get out of sight!
She’s a winner. You’re a loser, and you know I’m right!
I hope this domineering message ain’t becoming trite
So go be someone else’s boyfriend on your funkin Friday night!

Are you hard of hearing or just not too bright?
I won’t let my darling daughter date a parasite!
So beat it! Scram! Vamoose! Get lost! And don’t forget to write
Cause you’re no longer Girlfriend’s boyfriend on this funkin Friday night!
/
I don’t care if you’re right
I love him… just as he is despite
He’s not a… big star or socialite
He’s just a… great date for funkin Friday night!

You’re always so up tight!
And Dad is… All bark and zero bite!
Whatever! Go fly a flippin kite!
You’re not the… boss of my funkin Friday night!
/
I know that I’m not quite
Some kind of… Greek God or shining knight
Your daughter… still thinks that I’m all right
So maybe… don’t wreck her funkin Friday night

It’s clear we're not that tight
But maybe… one day, you’ll see the light
And then we’ll… get past this and unite
Around our… shared love of funkin Friday night!