There's a million ways to die inside a Bowser castle!
A million ways to fail!
You can fall on spikes or drown in some lava
Ride skull trains that derail!

There's a million ways to die inside a Bowser castle!
By Thwomp or Rocky Wrench!
Rebounding Koopa shell! A magic spell! A lift that fell! Conveyor belt!
A pipe above a Muncher-filled trench!

You might get crushed or burned or hit with a fish!
You may get squashed or bitten by a Boo!
You may be Hammered, bro, or greeted by five hundred Lakitu!

You may slip on ice, be shot in the face
Or simply sprung off a ledge in mid-jump!
Despite how hard you may try
It's sure that you'll die!
From blocks and from Bills and a Blooper that flies!

That's why a
Million ways to die reside in Bowser's Castle!
Like saws and fire chains!
A walking bomb! A stack of towering Dry Bones!
That time you went insane!
And every trap you find inside of any Bowser castle
Creates a lethal maze!
Beware this Super Star, this Koopa Car, this bratty baby Troopa czar!
It's quite the fiendish hastle to
Survive in Bowser's castle due
To every castle's killing you a mill-ion ways!