[BRATT, spoken]
Gentlemen!
Gentlemen

[BRATT]
A secretary is not a toy
No, my boy, not a toy
To fondle and dandle
And playfully handle
In search of some puerile joy
No!
A secretary is not
Definitely not

[BRATT, spoken]
A toy

[FIRST MAN, spoken]
You're absolutely right, Mr. Bratt

[SECOND MAN, spoken]
We wouldn't have it any other way, Mr. Bratt

[THIRD MAN, spoken]
It's a company rule, Mr. Bratt
[WOMEN]
A secretary is not a toy
No, my boy, not a toy

[BRATT]
So do not go jumping for joy, boy
A secretary is not

[BRATT & WOMEN]
A secretary is not
A secretary is not
A toy

[BRATT]
She's a highly specialized key component
Of operational unity
A fine and sensitive mechanism
To serve the office community
With a mother at home she supports
And you'll find nothing like her at F.A.O. Schwarz

[BRATT, spoken]
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

[WOMEN]
A secretary is not a thing
Wound by key, pulled by string
[BRATT]
Her pad is to write in
And not spend the night in

[WOMEN]
If that's what you plan to enjoy

[BRATT & WOMEN]
No!

[WOMEN]
A secretary is not a pet
Nor an Erector Set

[BRATT]
It happened to Charlie McCoy, boy
We fired him like a shot
The day the fellow forgot

[BRATT & WOMEN]
A secretary is not a toy

[BRATT, spoken]
N, N, N, N

[MEN, spoken]
N, N, N, N
[BRATT, spoken]
N-O, N-O

[MEN, spoken]
N-O, N-O

[BRATT, spoken]
N-O, T-O-Y

[BRATT & MEN, spoken]
N-O, T-O-Y
N-O, T-O-Y
Y, Y, Y, Y
Y, Y, Y, Y

[MEN, spoken]
Space, space, space, space

[BRATT, spoken]
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
Ha!

[BRATT & WOMEN]
The secretary you got
Is definitely not
Employed to do a gavotte

[FOURTH MAN]
Or you know what

[BRATT]
Before you jump for joy
Remember this, my boy

[BRATT & WOMEN]
A secretary is not
A Tinker Toy!