[BRATT, spoken]
Gentlemen! Gentlemen!

[BRATT]
A secretary is not a toy
No, my boy, not a toy
To fondle and dandle
And playfully handle
In search of some puerile joy
No, a secretary is not
Definitely not a toy

[JENKINS, spoken]
You're absolutely right, Mr. Bratt

[BUD, spoken]
We wouldn't have it any other way, Mr. Bratt

[JENKINS, spoken]
It's a company rule, Mr. Bratt

[MEN]
A secretary is not a toy
No, my boy, not a toy
So do not go jumping for joy
Boy
A secretary is not
A secretary is not
A secretary is not
[MEN & WOMEN]
A toy

[WOMEN]
A secretary is not to be
Used for play therapy

[ENSEMBLE]
Be good to the girl you employ, boy
Remember, no matter what
Neurotic trouble you got
A secretary is not a toy

She's a highly specialized key component
Of operational unity
A fine and sensitive mechanism
To serve the office community

With a mother at home she supports

[BUD]
And you'll find nothing like her at F.A.O. Schwarz!

[MISS KRUMHOLTZ]
A secretary is not a pet
Nor an Erector Set
[MISS KRUMHOLTZ & TWO MEN]
It happened to Charlie McCoy, boy
They fired him like a shot
The day the fellow forgot
A secretary is not a toy

[MEN]
A secretary is not a toy
And when you put her to use
Observe, when you put her to use

[BUD]
That you don't find the name "Lionel" on her caboose

[THREE WOMEN]
A secretary is not a thing
Wound by key, pulled by string

[WOMAN]
Her pad is to write in
And not spend the night in
If that's what you plan to enjoy

[THREE WOMEN]
No!
[ENSEMBLE]
The secretary you got
Is definitely not
Employed to do a gavotte
Or you know what
Before you jump for joy
Remember this, my boy
A secretary is not
A Tinker Toy!