[FAGIN]
A man's got a heart, hasn't he?
Joking apart, hasn't he?
And though I'd be the first one to say that I wasn't a saint
I'm finding it hard to be really as black as they paint

I'm reviewing the situation
Can a fellow be a villain all his life?
All the trials and tribulations?
Better settle down and get myself a wife

And a wife would cook for me and sow for me
And come for me and go for me
And go for me and nag at me
The fingers she would wag at me
The money she would take from me
The misery she would make from me
I think I'd better think it out again

(Stop that. Stop it, stop it, hey!)

A wife you can keep anyway
I'd rather sleep anyway
Left without anyone in the world
And I'm starting from now
So how to win friends and influence friends, so how?
I'm reviewing the situation
I must quickly look up everyone I know
Titled people, yes, with a station!
Who can help me make a real impressive show

I will own a suite at Claridge's
And run a fleet of carriages
And wave at all the duchesses
With friendliness as much as befitting of my new estate
Good morrow to you, magistrate!
(Magistrate?! Oh my god...)
I think I better think it out again

So where shall I go?
Somebody!
I...
Who do I know? It's nobody
All my dearest companions, they've always been villains and thieves
So in my time of life, I should start turning over a new leaf

I'm reviewing the situation
If you want to eat, you've got to earn a bob
So is it such a humiliation
For a robber to perform an honest job?

So a job I'm getting possibly
I wonder who the boss'll be
I wonder if he'll take to me
What bonuses he'll make to me
I'll start at eight and finish late
At normal rate and all but wait
I think I'd better think it out again
(Alright! We get it! Enough already! I'm having a breakdown up here, you're sat down there, *mimics violin noises*, SHUT UP! ...Oh god, don't you start.)

What happens when I'm seventy?
Must come a time... seventy
When you're old and it's cold
And who cares if you live or you die
Your one consolations the money you may have put by

(Hello...)

I'm reviewing the situation
I'm a badd'un, and a badd'un I shall stay!
You'll be seeing no transformation
But it's wrong to be a rogue in every way

I don't want nobody hurt for me
Or made to do the dirt for me
This rotten life, it's not for me
It's getting far too hot for me!

Don't want no one to rob for me
But who will find a job for me?
There is no in-between for me
But who will change the scene for me?
I think I better think it out again! Hey!