[Verse 1]
There's a portrait of Uncle Alvarez
Hanging in the hall
Nobody wants to look at it
But Uncle Alvarez sees us all

[Chorus]
Ho, ho, ho, imaginary accomplishments
Hey, hey, hey, you visionary guy
You might even shake the hands of presidents
Better send a postcard and keep the family quiet

[Verse 2]
He's not really part Cherokee Indian
He didn't fight in the Civil War
He's just Eugene Isaac Alvarez
We feel sorry for the wall

[Chorus]
Ho, ho, ho, imaginary accomplishments
Hey, hey, hey, you visionary guy
You might even shake the hands of presidents
You're gonna make 'em sorry when you die

[Bridge]
And it's a long way down
You're hoping for a heart attack
Running around
Investing in this and that
And your beautiful wife
Keeps your life on a shelf for you
Safe in the bedroom where
There's no dust or mildew, and
It's hard to believe you were
Once a beautiful dancer
[Verse 3]
Better just to shake it off
As you write your resumé
Don't think of Uncle Alvarez
And the price he had to pay

[Chorus]
Ho, ho, ho, imaginary accomplishments
Hey, hey, hey, you visionary guy
You might even shake the hands of presidents
You're gonna make 'em sorry when you die

[Chorus]
Ho, ho, ho, imaginary accomplishments
Hey, hey, hey, you visionary guy
You might even shake the hands of presidents
Better send some money to the alma mater