It’s Christmas time and Santa’s here makin the children smile
But he’s just a pedophile, so you better watch your child
Christmas trees in every house covered in shiny lights
But they just turn brown and die and set your hole house on fire

These are the reasons I hate the seasons but imma give it a try
Maybe this year I won’t be sad on Christmas
Maybe I’ll have a happy holiday, replace my heartache and my pain
With mistletoe and candy cane
This Christmas could go my way

Havin fun with all your friends, sippin in that eggnog
But it just looks like jizz all over your upper lip
Houses made of gingerbread, cookies like Christmas trees
Givin ya heart disease and type two diabetes - it’s just diabetes

These are the reasons I hate the seasons but imma give it a try
Maybe this year I won’t be sad on Christmas
Maybe I’ll have a happy holiday, replace my heartache and my pain
With mistletoe and candy cane
This Christmas could go my way

I’ve never seen a reindeer fly
Never heard the sleigh bells ring
Never seen a snow man come to life
Never heard the angels sing
But I hope and I pray
That maybe this Christmas Day that’ll change
Maybe this year I won’t be sad on Christmas
Maybe I’ll have a happy holiday, replace my heartache and my pain
With mistletoe and candy cane
This Christmas could go my way

Maybe this year I won’t be sad on Christmas
Maybe I’ll have a happy holiday
Replace my heartache and my pain and lets just dance the night away
This Christmas is goin my way