I don't have the magnetism
Of a national hero
I'm not desperate enough to
Carry 'round a bomb in a bag
And I hate to clean up behind my dog
He's a pretty big guy and he eats like a hog
I never quite get that haircut
They have in the window

I better give myself a talking to
I better work out what I'm going to do
Or maybe get myself a wife
Or better get myself a life
Instead of these post nuclear talking blues

When I go to the store
The express line gets derailed
I know that none of my
Batteries were included
I fall down every time I drink
I wash and all my whites turn pink
And I always come home with
Someone else's pants

I better give myself a talking to
I better work out what I'm going to do
Or maybe get myself a wife
Or better get myself a life
Instead of these post nuclear talking blues
The rain won't worry a drowning man
Until his feet are on dry land
He won't even care
If his best shoes are full of sand
Whenever my flight touches down
My bags are in a different town
And the customs men love
To get intimate with me

I better give myself a talking to
I better work out what I'm going to do
Maybe get myself a wife
Better get myself a life
Instead of these post nuclear talking blues
And that's all