[Intro (Spoken)]
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[Verse 1: Tim Hawkins]
I was sitting, staring at my monitor
My computer locked up once again
And I read all them manuals, cover to cover
Rackin' my brains to find out what the problem was and then

[Verse 2: Tim Hawkins & Tech Support Guy]
I called the help desk number that they gave me
And a man said (I will help you troubleshoot)
That gave me an idea (What is the serial number?)
I hung up that phone (Do you have the extended warranty?)
Then I grabbed my 12-gauge, right off the wall
I'll do some problem solving on this thing once and for all

[Chorus 1: Tim Hawkins & Tech Support Guy]
And I have no trouble... shooting this computer
I don't need tech support to walk me through
(Now, if you'll just give me time, I want to help you.)
Yeah it's time I shoot it, there's no need to reboot it
It's time to bust a cap in this CPU
(Violence never solved anything, sir. Please, think about it.)

[Bridge: Tim Hawkins & Tech Support Guy]
Come on runtime error, go ahead and make my day
If Bill Gates was standing here, I'd smack his four-eyed face
(Listen, Bill Gates is very benevolent.)
[Instrumental Break]

[Verse 3: Tim Hawkins]
Now, if you think I have an ounce of patience
I'm telling you, you better not hold your breath
Cause I'm gonna lock and load 'em
Kill the mouse and then the modem
Give this thing the real Blue Screen of Death

[Chorus 2: Tim Hawkins & Tech Support Guy]
And I have no trouble... shooting this computer
I don't need tech support to walk me through
Yeah it's time I shoot it, there's no need to reboot it
It's time to bust a cap in this piece of- (Microsoft Windows!)
It's time to bust a cap in this CPU

[Outro:Tech Support Guy]
How would you rate your customer service today? Very satisfactory? Satisfactory? Fair? Poor? Very poor