[Intro: Alfred Hitchcock]
You just put that needle in what is known as my flip side
I won't be able to sit down for a week
This record, by the way, is unbreakable
But not bulletproof
So I urge you to be careful
I can't put this too strongly
Please don't stain the rug, put bullet holes in the walls, or indulge in any unseemly struggling, because it creates a bad impression
People might think you are the type to throw wild parties
It is undignified actions of this kind that give murder a bad name
(*Gunshot*)