[Verse 1]
You text at three in the morning
And you misspell my name
You've slept with half my friends on Facebook
And most of them think you are lame

You say that with me, it's different
And you're not that big of a dick
And if you disappear, it's 'cause you're busy
Not 'cause you're with some chick

I know this might be uncouth
But I've decided to tell you the truth

[Chorus]
My self esteem's not low enough to date you
It's close, but not quite there
Give me time to get a little bit more rejected
And you and I could make an awesome pair
A totally awesome pair

[Verse 2]
I seem like your perfect target
Like I've been lonely for too long
You think I haven't had sex in forever
And I'll admit that you're not wrong
But I would rather have no one
Than this crap, let me reaffirm
I wouldn't touch your dick if I'd been poisoned
And the antidote was in your sperm

I know this might be uncouth
But I've decided to tell you the truth

[Chorus]
My self esteem's not low enough to date you
It's close, but not quite there
Give me time to get a little bit more desperate
And you and I could make an awesome pair
A totally awesome pair

[Bridge]
Thanks for not even pretending to respect me
Or slightly acknowledging how mean this is
'Cause what's easy to find is a loving relationship
What's hard for a girl like me to find is penises

Especially when I'm on the road
Or anywhere, really
'Cause I'm a girl, hello
That's kind of how it goes
[Verse 3]
Love is elusive and impossible
But dicks are available everywhere
So sorry if I don't feel super-lucky
To get a penis like yours attached
To a man who can't even pretend to care

Maybe if something goes horribly awry
And I think I'll never find a better guy
But for now
For now

[Chorus]
My self esteem's not low enough to date you
It's so close, but not quite there
Give me time to get a little more wasted
And you and I could make an awesome pair
A totally awesome pair