[DAD]
There are Jews in the world, there are Buddhists
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are those that follow Mohammed, but
I've never been one of them

I'm a Roman Catholic
And have been since before I was born
And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
They'll take you as soon as you're warm

You don't have to be a six-footer
You don't have to have a great brain
You don't have to have any clothes on
You're a Catholic the moment Dad came
Because

Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is great
If a sperm is wasted
God gets quite irate

[CHILDREN]
Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is great
If a sperm is wasted
God gets quite irate
[GIRL]
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found

[CHILDREN]
Every sperm is wanted
Every sperm is good
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood

[MUM]
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon
Spill theirs just anywhere
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care

[MEN]
Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is great

[WOMEN]
If a sperm is wasted

[CHILDREN]
God get quite irate
[PRIEST]
Every sperm is sacred

[BRIDE and GROOM]
Every sperm is good

[NANNIES]
Every sperm is needed

[CARDINALS]
In your neighbourhood!

[CHILDREN]
Every sperm is useful
Every sperm is fine

[FUNERAL CORTEGE]
God needs everybody's

[MOURNER #1]
Mine!

[MOURNER #2]
And mine!

[CORPSE]
And mine!
[NUN]
Let the Pagan spill theirs
O'er mountain, hill, and plain

[HOLY STATUES]
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain

[EVERYONE]
Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is good
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood

Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is great
If a sperm is wasted
God gets quite iraaaaaate!