Here's a story about a boy named Jerry:
Got slaughtered then got real lairy
In the pub he acted absurd
Then came home to a boxer's bird
So he got knocked out
Faced swelled up like a rainbow trout
His girl found out the truth
But he couldn't explain 'cause he'd lost a tooth!

I wanna drink, drink, drink
Smoke, fuck, fight
I wanna shout and scream
I wanna die
I wanna be arrested
I wanna be molested
Oh, my head's in pain
Next weekend let's do it again!

An anecdote about a man named Clive:
Wasn't one to usually drink drive
But after all he'd been for a snack
And so it was a bit too far to walk back
A month later and he's sitting in court
For the two lives he cut short
Manslaughter he's convicted
For the pain that he inflicted

Spinning! My head is spinning
Up, around, around and
Down to the pub, up to the club!
My stomach's turning
Oh, my body's burning
Our liquid lives, this is how we all survive

Here's a story about a chap named Garf:
Drank four pints in a hour 'n' a half
Though the night had just begun
Because his local pub's open 'till one
The next morning out in the country
Hung over and on a hunt he
Was still drunk and he pissed himself;
Fell off his horse and shot himself!

Spinning! My head is spinning
Up, around, around and
Down to the pub, up to the club!
My stomach's turning
Oh, my body's burning
Our liquid lives, this is how we all survive
Have a drink, have a drink, have a drink…

Our liquid lives! (x 8)

Drink! Smoke! Fuck! Fight!
Our liquid lives!
Our liquid lives!
This is how we all survive!

Here's a story about a girl named Kate:
Got wasted and got date raped
When they'd told the doctors she'd seen
They found no chemicals in her bloodstream
Well, nothing malicious
But the alcohol level was suspicious
When asked who'd hurt her
Poor old Kate couldn't remember!

Spinning! My head is spinning
Up, around, around and
Down to the pub, up to the club!
My stomach's turning
Oh, my body's burning
Our liquid lives, this is how we all survive

Drink! Smoke! Fuck! Fight!
Our liquid lives!
Our liquid lives!
This is how we all survive!