(spoken)
The greatest magicians
Have something to learn
From Mr. Mistoffelees's Conjuring turn!

(sung)
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer
Were a notorious couple of cats
As knockabout clowns, quick-change comedians
Tight-rope walkers and acrobats

They had an extensive reputation
They made their home in Victoria Grove
That was merely their centre of operation
For they were incurably given to rove

If the area window was found ajar
And the basement looked like a field of war
If a tile or two came loose on the roof
Which presently ceased to be waterproof

If the drawers were pulled out from the bedroom chests
And you couldn't find one of your winter vests
If after supper one of the girls
Suddenly missed her Woolworth pearls
Then the family would say:
"It's that horrible cat! It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!"
And most of the time they left it at that
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had an unusual gift of the gab
They were highly efficient cat burglars as well
And remarkably smart at a smash and grab

They made their home in Victoria Grove
They had no regular occupation
They were plausible fellows who liked to engage
A friendly policeman in conversation

When the family assembled for Sunday dinner
Their minds made up that they won't get thinner
On Argentine joint
Potatoes and greens
Then the cook would appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow:
"I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow!
The joint has gone from the oven like that!"
Then the family would say:
"It's that horrible cat! It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!"
And most of the time they left it at that

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had a wonderful way of working together
And some of the time you would say it was luck
And some of the time you would say it was weather
They'd go through the house like a hurricane
And no sober person could take his oath
Was it Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer?
Or could you have sworn that it mightn't been both?
And when you heard a dining room smash
Or up from the pantry there came a loud crash
Or down from the library came a loud ping
From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming
The family would say:
"Now which was which cat? It was Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer! And there's nothing at all to be done about that!"

And there's nothing at all to be done about that!