[Intro: JT Music]
Attention earthlings
This is a public service announcement
We have come to administer your age-required examination
Prepare to be probed

[Verse 1: JT Music]
I wouldn't call myself a terrestrial, I'm a little extra though
Nonetheless, a professional, I keep a colonoscopy conventional
I wanna let you know, colon cancer is preventable
So keep your cheeks protected, bro
But did I come in peace? I got a answer, no
Like E.T. if he never had a phone
And there wasn't anybody who could send him home
So the alien became an animal
And went to war with Russia, "It's gettin' cold!"
I don't mean to press, but I'm meant to probe
If you get uncomfortable, U-F-right-O
Ever been abducted? Better check below
'Cause if you already have, then I bet you'll know
An event horizon is passable
It doesn't matter how black the hole
If you interpret that to sound sexual
I got a special package: genitals!
So I need a rundown of gender roles
But I'm in the 60s, so whatever goes
Oh, that's digestible, now I'll blast off without any edible
I'm a Rocketman, it's an Elton show
Then I'm on your head like a Whac-A-Mole
I'll be in my saucer anywhere I go
But if you get sucked up, don't be scared at all
I'll say, "Take me to your leader
Greetings, pleased to meet ya
I know today's occasion
So I can sing—"
[Chorus: JT Music]
Happy birthday, you're forty-five (It's not my birthday!)
It don't feel like a real celebration ('Cause it's not)
'Cause you know it's so close to the time (Huh?)
For your first rectal examination (Oh my god!)
Now the doctor's in, yes, he's almost in
And you know this much 'cause the gloves are thin
This invasion is saving the world
So bend over and spread the word

[Post-Chorus: Dan Bull]
Just come down from outer space
To take your loved ones out without a trace
I'll end their lives in a thousand ways
And then get back in my ship and turn around, good day!

[Verse 2: Dan Bull]
There's an alien invasion and they want to know my location
Total anal annihilation as they dial up the dilation
I say, "Sir, that's rather forward
You've made the relationship kind of awkward" (Ah)
It's all good, but could you please finish up and bloody leave?
Geez, thank you (Oh)
Some folk here don't seem to know when they're being inappropriate
Wait a moment (Hm?), oh no
It clearly isn't over yet
It's only just beginning
And I don't know when they're going again
They didn't have the decency to phone ahead
Look overhead! Did you, uh, did you know we're dead?
[Chorus: JT Music]
Happy birthday, you're forty-five
It don't feel like a real celebration
'Cause you know it's so close to the time
For your first rectal examination
Now the doctor's in, yes, he's almost in
And you know this much 'cause the gloves are thin
This invasion is saving the world
So bend over and spread the word