[Verse 1]
I know this guy named Howard Wulkan
He is really bald
He has no hair on his head
That's because he's bald

[Chorus]
Howard Wulkan!
Howard Wulkan!
Howard Wulkan!
Howard Wulkan!

[Verse 2]
He be working at Earache Records
He used to work someplace else
He looks like that guy from Shudder to Think
And he's bald

[Chorus]
Howard Wulkan!
Howard Wulkan!
Howard Wulkan!
Howard Wulkan!

[Instrumental Bridge]
[Verse 3]
That man is really bald
He looks like Telly Savalas
He could really shave his head off
Rock on, brother!

[Chorus]
Howard Wulkan!
Howard Wulkan!
Howard Wulkan!
Howard Wulkan!

[Outro]
Rock over Rogaine
Rock on, brother
I'm not only the Hair Club president
I'm also a client