[Intro: Kermit the Frog & Fozzie Bear]
Aw thank you folks
Hey are all you elves and reindeer having a good time tonight?
Well good because right now I'd like to bring out our own furry funny man. Ladies and gentlemen please put your paws and hands together in a big North Pole welcome for Fozzie Bear
Thank you, thank you

[Refrain: Fozzie Bear]
Fozzie Bear's my name
And comedy's my game
I'm happy to be here tonight
At the North Pole Comedy Club
I'll sing a song for you
We'll have laugh or two
It's Christmas time
And we're feeling fine
At the North Pole Comеdy Club

[Spoken: Fozzie Bear, audience members, Statler & Waldorf]
Hey how's everybody doing out thеre tonight?
So why does Santa take presents to all the children of the world?
Why?
Because the presents won't take themselves
*booing*
No no please don't leave I just got started
Say do you know where Santa stays when he's out on the road?
At a ho-ho-hotel
You're gonna love this one. What do you get if Santa comes down the chimney while the fire is still burning?
What?
Crisp-Kringle, waka waka
I've got a better question, when does it end?
Oh ho ho ho
[Refrain: Fozzie Bear]
Fozzie Bear's my name
And comedy's my game
I'm happy to be here tonight
At the North Pole Comedy Club
I'll sing a song for you
We'll have laugh or two
It's Christmas time
And we're feeling fine
At the North Pole Comedy Club

[Spoken: Fozzie Bear, Pepe, Statler & Waldorf]
Okay let's see where was I?
Oh yeah the elves. Do you know how elves say hello to each other?
No how?
Small world isn't it?
*audience jeers*
Did you guys hear about the elf who put his bed into the fireplace?
Oh si I heard of this guy
He wanted to sleep like a log
It's not funny
How many elves does it take to change a lightbulb? Ten
One to change the lightbulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders
It's not funny, it's not funny
Those jokes are older than me
And you're older than brisket ham
Oh ho ho
[Verse: Fozzie Bear]
And if you like what you see
Tell everyone to come see me
But if you don't like my jokes
Make sure you never tell the other folks
Please

[Refrain: Fozzie Bear]
Fozzie Bear's my name
Comedy's my game
I'm happy to be here tonight
At the North Pole Comedy Club
I'll sing a song for you
We'll have laugh or two
It's Christmas time
And we're feeling fine
At the North Pole Comedy Club

[Spoken: Fozzie Bear, audience members, Statler & Waldorf]
Hey and what's the story with those reindeer? I mean why do they always wear fur coats? Probably because they'd look funny in snow suits. Waka waka
That's too much
Say when should you give reindeer milk to a baby?
When it's a baby reindeer
Don't turn on me now folks
Does anyone know what you call a reindeer wearing earmuffs?
Anything you want because he can't hear you
Get off the stage
I wish I couldn't hear you
Well I'm enjoying this act a lot more now
You're kidding
No
I turned off my hearing aid three jokes ago
Oh ho ho
[Outro: Fozzie Bear]
It's time for me to go
I hope you liked the show
It sure was fun to be with you
At the North Pole Comedy Club
We had have laugh or two
I sang a song for you
Merry Christmas to you all
At the North Pole Comedy Club
Happy holidays everyone
Waka waka
Merry Christmas to you all
At the North Pole Comedy Club