[KERMIT]
Welcome to the life hereafter
Sleepless nights, eternal laughter
Buy the farm, push up some daisies

[MONSTERS]
Then get down with us creepy crazies

[CLEAN GENE, SPOKEN]
Hi, wanna come play with me?

[GHOST HOST]
Frights du jour

[GHOST]
And daily nightmares

[MUMMY & DUDDY]
Ghoulish scares to raise your neck hairs

[GHOST HOST]
If you think it’s too macabre
Follow the floating candelabra

[BALLROOM RAT]
But he ain’t French and he can’t croon
[YOLANDA]
We did that in a beastly cartoon

[GHOST HOST, SPOKEN]
She was a beauty

[SUNG]
We’ll never rest, we’ll never cease
‘Till you finally rest in peace

[CHIP]
You can fly and you can float

[SCOOTER]
Or you can scream just like a goat

[KERMIT]
But to grant your endless wishes

[SQUID]
First you must sleep down with the fishes

[PEPE, SPOKEN]
Hey! Hold on, I’m not sleepy!

[KERMIT]
Rain or snow
[GHOST HOST]
Lightning or thunder

[FRACKLES]
The party is down here six feet under

[FRACKLE]
Trick or treat?

[MO FRACKLE]
Take a smell of my feet

[BIG MEAN CARL]
And give me something good to eat

[GHOST HOST]
You’re all alone, but don’t be scared
We’ve got your wake all pre-prepared

[HOWARD, SPOKEN]
Hi, I’m serving soup. It’s a cream mock tortoise and a yummy red that pairs with rigor mortis

[STATLER, SPOKEN]
It’s all so dopey, I’m complaining

[WALDORF, SPOKEN]
At least it’s almost entertaining
[ANNOUNCER, SPOKEN]
Your attention, please. Restless spirits have halted our progress. Please remain seated in your doom buggy, and we will continue our tour momentarily

[STATLER, SPOKEN]
Oh, no. The only thing worse than being stuck in here with you is being stuck in here with them!

[FOZZIE]
We tell jokes

[BOBO]
I do tricks

[CRAZY HARRY]
With my deadly candlesticks

[KERMIT]
Come on now and lift your glass

[GHOST HOST]
Filled with poison sassafras

[THE SWEDISH CHEF]
(Speaks Mock Swedish)

[JOE FROM LEGAL]
Sign your will, deed, and trust
Cause it’s time to bite the dust

[ALL]
Cash in your chips, we’re not joking
Now’s the time you should be croaking
You’re so great, none can compare
No one has your savoir faire

[GHOST HOST]
It’s time to turn your whole life story
Into a memento mori

[ALL]
Corpse by corpse and one by one
Until you shout “My life is done”

[KERMIT]
So join us in this life hereafter

[ALL]
Sleepless nights, eternal laughter
Sleepless nights, eternal laughter
Sleepless nights, eternal laughter
Sleepless nights, eternal laughter

[KERMIT]
And now the greatest act of all

[GHOST HOST]
It’s Gonzo’s final curtain call

[ALL]
From the basement to the rafters
Join us in the great hereafter
You’ll be great forever after

[MONSTERS]
In our monstrous life hereafter

[ALL]
For our afterparty afterlife

[ROWLF, SPOKEN]
Rest. In. Peace

[ALL, SPOKEN]
R.I.P.!