[Verse 1]
Don Juan, picaresque, wife-beater vest
Cold hand, ice man, warring caveman

[Chorus]
Well, if this is what it takes to describe
I'm not a man

[Verse 2]
Wheeler-dealer, mover-shaker, casanova
Beef-a-ronie, ah-ah, but lonely

[Chorus]
Well, if this what it takes to describe
I'm not a man, I'm not a man
I'm something much bigger
And better than a man

[Verse 3]
Wise-ass, smart-ass, workaholic
Thick-skinned, two-fisted, hombre, ole

[Chorus]
Well, if these are terms
You'd use to describe—
[Bridge]
Oh, I'm shaking
Look at me, I'm quaking
True grit, true blue, kill crazy
So very manly of you
You are the soldier
Who won't get much older
You are the Slow Joe
Who signed up to go, oh, oh, hoo-hoo
Woo-woo, woo-woo

[Verse 4]
Wolf down, wolf down, T-bone steak
Wolf down, cancer of the prostate
Ways to sit, and of course, ways to stand

[Chorus]
I'm not a man, I'm not a man
No big fat locker-room, hockey-jock laughing
I am not a man
I'd never kill or eat an animal, animal, ani—
And I never would destroy this planet I am on
Well, what d'you think I am, a man?